“Clarissa Pinkola Estés has remarked that in old stories, those who are gentle with what is undesirable are many times blessed, while those who scorn and reject [what is not perfect] are either barred from their desires, or punished, often cruelly.
This lesson can be applied to how we to respond to things about ourselves we don’t like … when we’re cold and rejecting toward the things in ourselves that we find grotesque and undesirable, that attitude yields consequences just as it would if we were to treat a friend that way: loss of trust, dignity, and personal power.
On the other hand, when we practice kindness and willingness to engage with the parts of ourselves that we view as hideous or unlovable, we’re bound to receive a benediction. It could be anything from a moment of peace free from the reign of the harsh inner critic, to significant and lasting change.
And it’s important to remember that we don’t have to love or even like ourselves to be kind.
When we begin to see that what we once viewed as fatally flawed or irredeemably defective is a natural consequence of having come up in the environment we did, we [begin to] create spaciousness from the urge to punish or berate ourselves. Paradoxically, understanding and validation act like magic charms that help us carve out the openings we need to make adjustments.”
– Jessica Dore